Findng joy in saddness

My "full-time", paid, job I work as a libraian in an elementary school, the 2nd paying job is as an office assistant in a funeral home.  I have only been working in the funeral home for 6 months, my daily office duities are becoming easier.  But the saddness that I feel for a family when they come in to make arrangements for their loved one I hope never fades.  1) because it ensures that I am still a human with a heart  and 2) it keeps me humble.  I find happiness and greatfulness in their sorrow, it reminds me how precious our time is .  We are not guaranteed tomorrow and I treasure my time with the ones that I love so much more. I also find that I try to live my life a little more fuller than I had in the past.

Electric Beach

Ok, so I am so sick of this crappy, gloomy, cold, snowy weather! I was/am in much need of vitamin D. I have a friend that ownes a tanning salon, I have not been there for several years and she is always so nice to me, so I thought that I would go in for a visit.  (I usually use another salon.)  So I go in thinking to spend about $10, I didn't bring in my lotion so I was needing to purchase a small sample.  Well to my surprise it cost me almost $18!!!  Are you kidding me??  I didn't say anything because I love this girl, so I gritted my teeth and handed over the money.  As I stepped into the bed, I enjoy the stand-ups, I was not impressed.  The booths that I usually use has it's own personal radio/cd player and trashcan, little touches but I enjoy them.  This one did not, it did have a very skinny mirror on the door?    After I had left I just wanted to throw up thinking about the amount of money that I had spent.  I could have went 3x for that much at my regular place!  So, as much as I love that girl, I will NEVER be going back to her salon again.  I like knowing that I will be paying $5.50 each time and always feel satisfied when I leave.

Taking away a piece of innocence

As I said before, being a mother is one of my greatest joys and accomplishments, but it is also a tough and exhausting job!  This past Christmas was the toughest, my twins are 10 1/2 and are in an intermediate school.  They had asked for the past few years about whether Santa was real of not, of course I did what every mom would do, I would either ignore their questions or reassure them in some way that he was.  No one wants to be the one to end that magical feeling.  Well this year was it, they had been asking questions for 2 weeks and had even informed me that their friends were making fun of them for still believeing.  I can hear you now, "no!! You didn't!" But yes, I had to, they were no longer in elementary school and I hate the thought of them being the kids people make fun of because they still believe this magical man comes to their house.  I did the best that I could, kept the dream alive in them for 10 years.  So I told them the true story of St. Nicholas and explained that I, to this very day, still believe in him, he was once a real man. He brought joy to many people and that we continue to honor him every Christmas, just as we do the birth of Jesus.  Of course I could hear the heartbreak in their voices, and it broke my heart to tell them.  I cried for half and hour after that, but we will still continue our traditions, letters to Santa, milk and cookies, I told them that even after they are grown I will still continue with them.   As for the Tooth Fairy and Eater Bunny, they are still real!  Aub said that she didn't want to know about that! Love that girl!

My Best Friend

 That's a pretty big title to give someone.  I lost my best friend 9 years ago when a drunk driver hit her car and killed her.  They say that time heals all wounds, or the pain heals with time.  Not true.  You just get better at going through your daily life/routine.  She left behind 2 sisters, who are like sisters to me, we're not as close as I would like us to be, but we are still apart of each other's lives and I love them dearly.  They each now have their own family, Missy-2 boys and the only girl and Shell- 2 boys.  The two older boys I have gotten to see alot these past few years in the school that I work at.  I love those little boogers!  They have her spirit.  Just today Jalen was telling me that he found pictures of Jen and I together, he thought they were pretty funny.  I laughed, remembering all the good times that we spent together and as I walked away I cried.  The boys will never know her, never know how alike they are, never know what they have missed out on.  Like I said the pain doesn't heal in time, it gets bearable, but then there are always those unexpected moments that hit you like a freight train, you never see them coming.  I consider my self privileged, to not only have known Jen, but to be honored as her best friend as well.

Joys of motherhood

Being a mother is the best thing that has ever happen to me.  Sure there are those days when you feel like giving up, but then there are those days that the simplest things make it all worth it.  My 3 year old absolutely LOVES pigs, I have no idea where this came from but it makes her truly unique.  3 is such a great age, hearing her sing along to Hey Soul Sister in the car just puts a big smile on my face!  I love that little red haired girl!  Now 10 is tough!  I have twin 10 year old girls, going on 20 it feels like.  They are so alike, but yet complete opposites.  Aub is my people pleaser, she will do anything for anyone.  Haley is alittle more stubborn, have no idea where she gets that, but being the oldest is tough.  Her and I have butt heads quite a bit lately, oh the attitude of a girl, but at the end of the day I still love her dearly and would do anything for her.